I have a problem with letters.
My problem with letters is that I want to make them into words.
And at certain times of the year I want my words to be the kind that inspire to a point that a musical score would soon accompany them. I want my words to be put to music and sung by Bette Midler or Celine Dion; and although they do not necessarily need to be the wind beneath, or behind, I do secretly hunger to have them broadcast across a packed arena as a dance team skates to them in at least a show program designated from a medal placement.
If I am being truly honest, I rarely pass up an opportunity to have words, or not mince words, in any arena offered.
A “written brief” is an oxymoron to me.
This has not been a talent, or curse, that is celebrated by my children.
During her competition days, my daughter cringed as I unrolled the “Good Luck” signs I typically had made by the local Allsign Company. If her name had been Ashley or Amanda I am sure she would have feigned not being related, but since she was given an unusual moniker (by me) to symbolize the work of Hemingway (who was often touted (incorrectly) as “a man of few words”) this was impossible. Upon reflection of a distance of three years, the compulsory and original dance typically placed my daughter and her partner in medal position but then the free dance day dawned and well, things often went to hell in a hand basket. I think my early good luck banners were intended to be like a fortune cookie for the ice.
“Skate It Like You Do in Practice.”
“It’s Just Another Run-Through — in front of a lot of people!”
“Just Smile and Enjoy Yourself!”
But after a few rough finishes into 5th and 6th I felt I needed to try to create more of a “motivational life” banner.
“One Skate does not Define YOU as a skater.”
“It’s Just One Day Out of Thousands to Come.”
“Just Smile and Pretend Everyone is wearing Hanes Underwear!”
“The Ice is Slippery for EVERYONE!”
“It’s been said that Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad.”
“Every once in a while, Luck HAS to come into it!”
“Ask Judge # 5 IF HE Thinks HE Can Come Out There and Do IT Better!!”
Another problem I have is when they offer free Monogramming. (This seriously brings a little tear to my eye. I mean, I’ve had vanity plates since I was a provisional driver). This is usually not an issue or an area that needs the bright yellow highlighter. I mean, who would not want a custom made Louis Vuitton bag with personalized initials and matching liner as a graduation gift? Exactly. See, Louis limits how much you can run on. It is one, two, or three initials.
Apple does not limit their words for their free monogram offer. This is why my son was almost cited for public urination when he opened his gift of an iTouch on his 18th birthday and read (engraved in Baskerville Bold Face type): “Adam — you have seen the waxing and waning of 216 full moons in your young life. May you always be aware of the simple joy of watching such miracles as you go on to create your own.” He covered it quickly with a pirate silicone cover but every once and a while I would see my two get snickering and punching each other in the shoulder after one or the other unclothed said iTouch to reveal its beautiful naked message of hope and sincerity.
Of course, this year, Apple offered their free monogramming on their iPads. And so, my grown offspring, who hate my four page texts (“Mom. It is called Text Messaging, not Text Novellas”) and my emails with their PS, and PSS, and PSSS, (Mom! This is Pssing Me Off! Cut it Out, You already said that anyway) will be delighted to know that hidden behind their Tory Burch and Just Basic Black Apple Regular cases are some words they may one day soon wish they had paid heed.
I had the new PIN number for all the Mombo credit cards engraved in plain Courier New.
Mombo
